Welcome to Provo

Today for work I traveled to Provo, Utah for the next show I'm working on Stadium of Fire. It marks the first time I've traveled for work, and it was pretty interesting. At the airport I met up with my bosses and a co-worker, then we hopped onto a little plane to head East. I think as far as airplanes go there are two types of people: aisle people and window people (I'm sure there must be middle-seat people, but I have yet to meet one). I'm definitely a window seat person. I like looking out the window to see the views from above. You can learn a lot from high up, like:

• There are a lot of people with pools in LA

• The I-10 looks much better from above than on and directly behind a parade of cars. 

• There are some beautiful mountains just North of LA. 

• Golf courses take up roughly about the same size as five or so neighborhoods

• Hills mean nothing for urban planners

The plane ride was short, and we soon arrived in Utah. We all hopped into our Lincoln Denali and started our trek to Provo. It was fun traveling with my team. We kind of felt like, well, a team. Like we were storming into this small town on a mission. We arrived at the hotel checked in then grabbed a quick lunch. There wasn't much rest time, as my boss had me bring my laptop to lunch so that I could work at the table  :/  

I am amazed by the internet, it is amazing. You can literally do almost anything with it. As an abstract idea we are having dancers hide behind a sheet to replicate famous photographs through time representing moments in freedom: end of WWII, the civil rights movement, the Berlin Wall coming down, etc... As my job I needed to track down these photos, and acquire them in high resolution form. So for example I needed to find the picture of the protester at Tiananmen Square blocking the tanks. So with that I googled a loose description, found the picture. Found out the picture is referred to as "The Unknown Rebel", discovered the photographer Jeff Widner. I found his website (check out his portfolio, he's got a lot of good stuff), and discovered he now works at the Honolulu Advertiser (Awful name for a paper, but at least they're honest). Yellowpages.com search for the paper, then called directly and got in touch with Jeff. Spoke to him, and got the photo use for free. My big victory of the day. 

But it's amazing how much information we can drum up with a few clicks of the keyboard and taps of the mouse. In the large scheme of things I think the internet is going to be an incredible tool for the future of mankind. I think it'll open communication between cultures, and bring people together. We will learn more about each other, and get a greater human understanding of one another.  Others will learn about human rights, and we will learn about those who infringe upon them and challenge them.  

Sorry, random tangent, back to the travel theme. I'm excited to be back in the Southwest. I think the four corners might be my favorite corner of the world. I love having snow capped mountains looming over me in the distance. I love that I can peek out my balcony and see a dark night sky with stars. I'm hoping I get to play a little while I'm here, but I don't have any expectations on that front. I know we're here for business, and there is a lot of work to do before our event. But I'd better head to bed, speaking of work; it awaits me only a few hours away- Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight weekend. 

Searching

In my last post I argued that when we choose our mate we're simply discovering a part of ourselves. I felt I used some fairly loose logic (as blog sites do), so I thought I would revisit my thought and discuss a few ways in which we choose our mate, and the various factors that go into the decision. 

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One could argue against my claim that we look for ourselves in others; that either people cling onto unhealthy or unsatisfying relationships without second thought or that people sometimes choose a mate who is completely different from themselves. On the first point, on could merely point out the myriad of bad relationships that exist out there, be it from friend, family, or former-self. I would point out that unhealthy relationships do exist but don't usually last. I would also argue the person in the relationship could not have a full grip on their own identity, who they truly are. This flaw could be for various reasons, whether it's a low self-esteem, immaturity, inexperience, or simply because they don't know themselves. As they say, "You must learn to love yourself before you can love others." As for the "opposites attract" argument I would say that claim simply strengthens my own argument. If I choose a mate who's a morning person when I'm clearly not, it may actually be a good thing. Sure we'd have the difficulty of having only a few good hours of the day, but through time I would learn to wake early and have coffee with her, or she would learn to stay up late and watch the stars. We'd share parts of our own world, and together we would expand the facets of ourselves. In fact when people are too similar it can sometimes be a bad thing. Imagine if two heavy drinkers got together, surely a more stabilizing force for one or the other would be better. But I think both scenarios can exist, and do exist. We choose our lovers not only similar interests/habits, but we choose them because they fascinate us and teach us in areas we don't know. 

But how do we choose our significant others? What qualities in ourselves are we looking to compliment or suppress? I believe among the various reasons we have in choosing a mate there are three primary selection factors: aesthetic, moral, and familial. Clearly there is the aesthetic factor. We choose a mate largely based on looks alone. This fact can be placed firmly into the 'behaviorism' camp. We look for a mate that we are sexually attracted to, which of course is the main argument for any behaviorist on relationships in the first place. But aside from sexual attraction there are other factors we could argue for as well. Women choose tall men for their strong genes, men like curvy hips for childbearing ability. But outside of the behaviorists camp we can also consider the way it effects our own aesthetic identity. Of course who we choose will be spending a significant amount of time with us in social settings, and as a result we want our mate to look good so that we in turn look good. We also choose our mate based upon their moral compass. We want a partner who has similar morals to ourselves, for morality is a huge part of our identity (in fact another facet: ethical identity). I can't imagine a pro-lifer and a pro-choicer staying together very long. We want a partner with similar familial ideals. The end goal to all relationships deal with family, and therefore the familial ideals can always make or break a relationship. 

The above mentioned factors are necessary for any successful relationship, the following factors I shall discuss can vary in degrees. I've already discussed the blacks and whites, so here are the greys. We choose mates with similar interests, hobbies, and activities. Surely I could be completely happy with someone who doesn't know how to ski, but they better at least enjoy the snow. Of course there could be some people who believe this to be a make it or break-it quality. We choose mates for similar tastes in arts and culture. A foodie would have a very hard time dating a chain-restaurant fan, and an art lover would have a hard time with a die-hardcore (I just made that word up) sports-fan. We choose mates on sexual compatibility. A guy or girl who follows strict "no premarital" would obviously place this one in the factors above. But that rule aside, the two persons involved must be one the same wavelength physically. We've all had bad kissers, but what we need to realize is they are simply bad in the subjective sense, not objective (although I'm sure plenty would argue that one). What we may not be into could completely true for another lover, and visa versa. We choose mates for background reasons, whether they be cultural, national, or economical. As a general human rule of thumb we surround ourselves by the familiar. All of these are factors, but as I've mentioned they can easily be overlooked or compromised. As they say, "Love conquers all." So with all of these factors determining how we choose our mates it should be easy right? If only life were so kind. I think there are two very important, and intangible,  elements that play as factors as well: timing and chemistry. 

I was recently talking to a dear and old friend of mine about a recent break-up he had. We were talking about love, and relationships. He loved the girl he was with, she loved him, he loved her family, and she treated him ten-thousand times better than his last girlfriend. They had similar interests, similar backgrounds, all of the factors I mentioned above lined up, but they just didn't "click". I'm sure every reader knows what I mean by that term. It's the feeling when you just feel comfortable with the other person. Communication flows like water, and it's like you've known each-other forever. Sometimes it can be felt across the room, sometimes it comes out from behind a smile or eye-contact, sometimes it needs to be discovered like a precious stone deep in the earth. Either way that "click" is essential to a good relationship. I told my friend that as much as his ex-girlfriend may line-up and make sense, love isn't a logical thing, it's an emotional thing. It can make all the sense in the world why you should be with someone, but if you're just "not feeling it" then it's never going to be a successful relationship. 

Timing is a very important factor in life in general. In sports if the goalie mistimes his action in accordance to the speed of a ball he gets scored on. If a musician is off rhythm she spoils the song. Like in life, our love lives are determined by timing. Meeting a loving potential mother to your children after she's already had kids, finding a perfect match who is already matched up, coming into a coffee shop just as a a potential companion is leaving, being separated from someone by or more years of school, coming up with the right thing to say to her just as she leaves the bar. All of these are examples of how timing can adversely affect the selection process. But of course the opposite is always possible as well. By listening to the same song on the radio you two begin speaking, bumping into someone entering the building, being at the same party on the same night, taking the same class together, waiting in the same line together. My friend asked me if he met someone whether he was ready for another relationship, or whether he needed to heal himself, and do some soul searching before he could move on. I responded that he should go for it. Meeting someone with chemistry and matching factors at the right time is such a rare thing I think you should do everything in your being to capture it while it's there, for you never know when it'll come back around. I've regretted the times I didn't say something far more than the times I've regretted not saying anything (although regretting not saying the right things is a completely different matter). Like the last verses in the Tim Churchard poem "I Never Held Your Hand" eloquently states:

How many people I don't know

How many chances I let go

Passing strangers, we might be friends

Even lovers... it never ends

The people I don't know.

Best Job In The World

Randomly today my friend sent me a link to this video called "Where the Hell is Matt?" (2008). It's funny cause I was actually just looking at the video last week and I wanted to post something about it. So I guess it must be kismet telling me to write about this video. 

I originally stumbled across this video a year or two ago. I thought it was pretty awesome, so I checked out the guy's homepage to learn a bit more. 

Apparently he's just a normal dude with a weird dance, but during his travels he decided to record his goofy dance all over the world. He then posted it online and was approached by Stride gum to go and do it again with a bigger budget. So basically through his inborn ability to dance like a goofball, the internet, and a far reach by a gum company he was paid to go around the world and travel. How sweet is that? 

I've always had a saying, "Find what you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life." I recently shared my insight with a co-worker of mine, and she responded that I'm good to work with cause I also am open minded, and approach my work with a good attitude. It got me thinking, what if I'm cruising through life content with work, and missing out on a job, or other opportunities that I would love even more because of an easy going attitude. Living in a lake house in the Adirondacks and swimming the fresh waters every morning, and canoing under the full moon at night. Or a teaching skiing in Telluride, backcountry camping in the summers. Teaching in Santa Fe, enjoying the sunsets and earthy smell of the pinon pines. I love my work, but there are so many things about it that cause me hesitation in devoting my life to it. I love working on production, the thrill of thinking on your feet, working with people from completely different walks of life, adapting to challenges, doing something new everyday, and seeing a large abstract idea come together through a little elbow grease and team-work. But there are so many other things I dislike about it, mainly the time commitment, the 16-18 hour days, and the fact I'm more or less stuck here in LA if I truly want to make it. It hinders so many of goals/joys in my life: my social life, building a family, having a dog again, martial arts, skiing, travel, living abroad, being in nature- if only I had 100 lives to live. 

But I still do love what I do. I hope to achieve success in my field. I hope to create, share and teach through my craft. The main reason I chose to get into the film industry to begin with was to reach out to people, to teach and inspire. Sure travel and dancing like a goof would be fun, but I'm hoping to contribute more to the world than viral videos. Regardless, I am in awe of Matt's travels, and very envious of his adventures. 

Here is his newest video.

"Where You End and I Begin Is Like a River Going Through"

Looking back on this post I'm realizing how difficult it is to write air-tight philosophical though on a blog, so please bear with me. On the other hand, there is certainly plenty to discuss/disagree with, so if you do so please contribute. Philosophy isn't about finding truth per-say. As they say, "Philosophy is like looking for a black cat in a dark room that isn't there." 

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While writing my senior thesis on the qualitative change in identity over a period of time I came up with my own theory on identity. In not so many words, our personal identity is not a singular entity. Instead it is the amalgam of various identities, each one derived from our various experiences and tribulations concerning that particular identity. Various identities can include our: physical identity, emotional identity, sexual identity, intellectual identity, cultural identity, etc... In this post I'd like to take a look at how love and relationships affect our own personal identity, and as a result who we are. 

Let me first discuss what I mean when I speak of Qualitative identity, as opposed to Quantitative identity. Suppose I showed you a playing card, let's say the Ace of Hearts; I then proceed to light the card on fire and place the ashes in a bowl. With the wave of my hand I then produce another card, another Ace of Hearts. While being impressed with my trick there is no part of you that thinks that card is the exact same card that I burned and turned into ashes. Surely this is true, for we have the remains of the card in the bowl as proof. What makes the trick a trick is that I am able to produce a card with the same qualities- the same Red 'A' in the corners, the same Bicycle logo on the back, and the same heart symbol in the middle. The card I produced is qualitatively the same as the card I burned, but not quantitatively. This post will discuss the qualitative changes in our identity that we go through in love and relationships. 

Why do we have relationships? According to behaviorists (a theory that places behavior as the cause for our actions, not rational thought) our main reason for establishing a relationship is to further our own species, and more specifically our own genetic offspring. According to behaviorism love can be reduced to a behavior, with its main end being that of survival our own lineage. We do not leave flowers and love notes because we wish to express our love, we do such acts so that we may secure our mate in order to produce offspring. We don't select a mate because we think they are funny, or smart, or interesting, we choose them because we believe their genetic strengths are good matches to help produce our own offspring. In fact it's actually been proven that smell plays an important role in our selection of companion, and what can be more primordial that our sense of smell? Regardless, I have always had a hard time with the theory of behaviorism. I think as humans we have come a long way since our animal heritage, and we have developed complex systems of thinking- logical and otherwise- that we use to help define ourselves. I believe our path to choosing a mate is largely based in our biological needs, but even more so I think we choose a mate to help understand ourselves and develop our own authentic essence. 

Before the ages of 18-24 months we have no concept of self-awareness, no concept of our individual identity. Ever since we first discover our own self-image we are on a continual look to find out who we are, our own individuality. Satre said, "existence precedes essence," meaning our own identity is one created, and not existing a priori. But discovering our identity doesn't always come from self-discovery or our own creation, in fact many of the greatest lessons I've learned about myself has come from others. And I believe our search for a mate is in a large part a search for ourselves, another part of our own identity. Just as we first perceived our own physical image in the mirror, we look towards others for our own identity. We look into the eyes of our loved one for affirmation as to who we truly are. My father recently wrote me a letter giving fatherly advice in the realm of relationships (and in my father's fashion wrote it on grocery list stationary), "My advice- there are a million women out there that you could fall in love with- and each one would excite you and interest you in different ways. Each would stimulate a totally different facet of your personality." I could completely see his point. Each partner we take on adds something to us, they amplify certain habits, and subdue others. I could date a librarian who would increase my thirst for knowledge, I could love an actress who would play off my sensuality, or I could choose to date a triathlete who would motivate me further in my athletic endeavors. What continues our quest in seeking a satisfying relationship is to find that person that accentuates our personality in a way that we see ourselves. Or as my mother says about my father, we are looking for someone who, "makes [us] a better person." 

RIP - George Carlin

On June 22nd, 2008 the great comedian, political commentator, New Yorker, actor, author, and word smith George Carlin died of heart complications. While not my favorite comedian out there, I've always appreciated his smart humor and word play. To honor his passing away here are a few of my favorite bits of his. 

Baseball vs. Football

Pro Life is Anti-Woman

Soft Language

Saving the Planet

Seven Words You Can't Say On TV

It's Show Time

I'm excited. I'm here late late late working, but it's ok. I'm very excited about tomorrow's show.

 

For those who don't know, my most recent job in my ventures as an independent contractor happens to be working in live events. Right now I am working on the Opening Night at the Hollywood Bowl and Hall of Fame concert. Tonight we've been going through rehearsal's, lighting focusing, sound checks, and testing the video playback. It's all very cool to see and be a part of. Ever since I was in high school I loved being back stage. I wasn't a very good actor, but I helped as a stage hand whenever my sports allowed. There is something so cool about being back stage, and being part of a live show. I love my work in film and TV production, but there is something so different about live events. It's that energy you feel the night of the show, the ability to be part of the event you help produce and feel the audience's presence. I love that I can sit in the wings and see both the crowd's faces peering out from the dark and the performers under the spot light. 

I'm even more excited cause a piece that I've been bleeding over for the past few weeks has come to fruition and is going to be shown to open the show. It's basically a short montage of TV clips involving the Hollywood Bowl in one way or another. I've been slaving away acquiring rights for all of the footage (which is probably the second most painful thing in the world to do only behind sticking a screw-driver between your fingernails). And most recently my boss has had me edit it together and sweeten the sound. Granted I didn't actually direct or shoot the footage, but it will be the largest audience of any piece I've created, so I am very very excited (and proud I might add). 

My thesis advisor in college once told me about this professor he had that would arrive to class with a paper bag in hand, then place it on his desk. He would sit, patiently, waiting for class to begin. As soon as the clock hit whatever time it needed to hit he reached into the bag and pulled out this crumpled up blazer, which he would then put it on and teach class. I guess the reason I'm referring to this anecdote is because I was reminded of it yesterday with my boss. Right when Liza Minnelli showed up it was go time. Him and his co-producer threw on their jackets and were ready to go. It's just so much fun to watch him work his magic at this event: working with people, organize a large amount of jobs, and string together a show opening last minute on only a few beads of information (because on top of everything else he writes the entire show). 

I love my boss. He's literally a genius. Watching him analyze, prioritize, and put together a long list of details in no time at all is amazing. He is by far the most eloquent, professional, and gentlemanly person I've ever worked with, and just being in his presence and observing I am learning so much. I'm learning the right way to request things, the right way to deal with people, the right way to conduct business, format a letter, basically produce. He's definitely become a teacher and mentor for me. I'm learning so much from him, and I will be forever grateful. 

But I digress... I'm actually finishing this post right now, Friday, as we're gearing up for the show, and I can feel that electric buzz in the air. Rehearsals are in full swing, and our show clothes are hanging on the wardrobe racks. I can't wait to hear the low hum of the people filing into their seats. Blue stage lights come up as they slowly replace the sun dropping below the Hollywood Hills. To see that glow in everyone's eye back-stage, preparing themselves for battle. 

I love my work. 

A Four Letter Word

I've been thinking about love and relationships a lot these days. A close friend of mine has broken her spell of bad relationships, and has found a really good and decent guy who respects and loves her to death. I just found out a second friend of mine is engaged. Another friend of mine "has a boyfriend" after a long string of unsuccessful attempts. And after three tumultuous months I find myself getting closure and ready to turn the page on a long seven year chapter of my life. I've always been a hopeless romantic. From when I was a small child and The Princess Bride was my favorite movie, to when I left my first flower on a girl's bag in middle-school, to when I snuck into the window of a high-school girlfriend, to when I sent a singing telegram for a year anniversary in college. Love has scarred me, love has healed me, but above all love has fascinated me. It's something that is as ageless as man, yet as unknown as the heavens. Unfortunately they never taught the philosophy of love in my college, so I was never able to study it; but regardless I consider myself a life-ling student. So in the next few posts I think I'll wax philosophic on love and relationships, and everything else involved in such matters. 

To begin with I will first break down the meanings of love. Clearly there are many ways we use the word love in our daily vernacular. Consider:

1. I love ice cream

2. I love to ski

3. I love the outdoors

4. I love my cat

5. I love my Dad

6. I love my friends

7. I love my girlfriend

There are two types of love being expressed here. One could say 1 through 3 is a different type of love than that expressed in 4 through 7. 1 expresses a strong liking, the thorough enjoyment of eating ice cream. 2 expresses the same thing, yet towards an activity. This type of joy or "love" comes not from the enjoyment of flavor, but the athletic endeavor of skiing. Whether this be for exercise, adrenaline, or relaxation can all vary depending on the "lover" of skiing. 3 also discusses a great enjoyment of something, but it is more associated with an abstract concept. While ice cream or skiing can be linked directly to a sensation(s), the feeling of being in nature cannot be simplified down to a single concrete object or activity. Similar statements could be made about freedom, my country, God, etc... These types of love I will refer to as "love as a value". For these types of love speak of an appreciation towards an object, activity, or abstract idea. While these topics are interesting to study, I am more interested in the type of love encapsulated in items 4-7, what I will call "love as a union". 

"Love as a Union" clearly implies that the word 'love' acts as a bond between beings. While this seems simple enough, consider the vast difference between the relationships in 4-7. 4 discusses my pet, 5 speaks of my family, and 7 my lover. Were I to say these four statements to someone I could certainly mean four different types of love: familial, platonic, true, and emotional. Or could I? And if I could what are the differences between these? And what does it mean to be "in love?" Over the next few posts/discussions/inquiries I hope to address some of these questions and more. And while I know this geometric introduction makes no sense when what I am trying to discover in something tied in emotions, something that doesn't heed to the laws of logic. So I will stop that; my only point here being that what I want to discuss is "love as a union".

In closing let me quote my dear friend's post, one that makes much more sense of love than the above list, and will probably make more sense than my posts to come. 

"Four letters? That's all we can muster? All we can muster for a thing that transcends and defies reason or convention, or contention; that both burrows deep and loftily soars; that weakens the strongest's will or may make the meek go brave; like an oasis and final drink for a man who has wandered in the desert, reunited at last with the thing he's been long denied. Love? It is a hasty word."

Strength

Ever since I've started blogging I've been fascinated by other peoples blogs. The more I pay attention to this blog phenomenon the more friends I've discovered have their own. Some use the space to vent about their dating lives and the incredulous bar habits of single men. Some use the space to share their lives with old friends from around the states. Some use it for daily epiphanies from life and the work place. And some use it for emotional venting, a personal journal used for letting steam into the open air of the internet. Aside from checking my various friend's blogs I'll once in awhile scan through random blogs online to see how others use their little corner of the web. 

While scanning one day I found a blog with a simple title: "I'm Mad". Reading those words it felt like an old friend calling me on the phone to vent, reaching out to me- I had to read it. The blog belongs to a Woman from Texas, with triplets; one of whom has cerebral palsy. In her blog she writes about her day-to-day life, and the struggles she goes through to find acceptance for her littlest one. Reading more of her posts I couldn't help but admire the strength of this woman. I already think women are the strongest, most beautiful, and amazing creatures in the world. Tell me what is more amazing than the ability to bear life. Tell me what is more beautiful than when a a woman looks you in the eye and smiles. Tell me what is stronger than fighting against hundreds of years of oppression with calm and gentle class. But after reading this woman's blog I was even more amazed. She feels hurt and neglect from a God that she has worshipped all life, yet she still shows an unwavering faith and love towards him. That is true strength. I felt honored to be part of her inner sanctum. To be able  see the weakness that she could never show in front of her children. To read about the immense strength she draws on a daily basis from her four year-old child who can't even walk on her own. I can only hope to be half the parent and person she is. To show that much love and forgiveness, that much compassion.

A few weeks ago I had what most bloggers must go through; the despondency of feeling like your writings are going into the void, being tossed into an immense darkness of nothingness. That was until a close friend of mine IMed me, thanking me for my most recent post. She said she was feeling blue that day, and reading it picked her spirits up- that it was just what she needed to read (She has always been a huge supporter of my writings, and for that I am forever grateful. Thank you). We all blog for different reasons. But I think the best result from blogging, or any creative medium for that matter, is never what we originally intend. We blog to share ideas, to trade stories, and to express ourselves. Never do we intend to inspire others, to infuse them with strength and purpose. Certainly it's great to catch up with an old friend online, sorting through their old photos and stories. But when you find strength and inspiration from a complete stranger, a kind hearted mother from an unknown place- that is the true power of this medium.